Note: This is only directed to one certain follower of mine (she’ll know who she is) if she even cares to read it or ignore it like everything else.
At the time I’m typing this, it is 4 in the morning. I can’t sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep for a month or so. It doesn’t really matter because when I do sleep I don’t want to wake up……ever. So maybe its for the best. Since May, I haven’t been happy. Even now that school is over for me, I still hate waking up in the morning. What I’m trying to say is that I’ve fallen back into a deep depression, and I don’t think I can get myself out of it this time. I’m not saying that this is all because of you because this dates back to before I even met you. I’m saying this so you can understand why I was down on myself so much.
When I first saw you on (site of which we met on) I already thought you were too good to be true so I didn’t bother talking to you. So in March I met someone who a couple days later would be my first girlfriend. It was a great, and happy experience for me until I realized she was a crazy bitch. So by the end of April I ended it. After about a week of short-term depression, I was back on the site, said “fuck it”, and talked to anyone I could. That is when I met you. We realized we had in common, and starting dating (kinda). I was basically in love with you. You just seemed so perfect. I nearly killed me waiting to see you in person. When I did finally get to see you, it was bittersweet because your “friend” was an absolute pain in the fucking ass. However, it was so worth it just to your beautiful face. At the end at that day when I finally got to hold you, and then had to walk back in pouring rain(kinda really poetic when you think about it), I had the feeling that was the last and only time I would see you…..It looks like I was right.
Its been about a month since the last time we talked, and I’m still sitting just wondering “What the fuck happened? Why did she suddenly stop talking to me?” As much as I just want to move on and forget it, I can’t. I know I sound like an obsessive lunatic, but that’s how I honestly feel. Its not that I loved you or anything, because I didn’t. I didn’t know you that well, and I didn’t know where this was gonna go. Its simply because I don’t know. I’m losing sleep over this because I don’t know. I don’t if your mother told you to stop talking to me, you like someone else, your too busy, or your just not interested in me anymore. If you were to just tell me any of those things, I’d be content and just move on. I do like you a whole lot, but its getting to point where I’m just sick of waiting for answer, so I’ll just take any and move on. Its not that I don’t care, its just I feel that maybe you don’t care.
If you end up actually reading this, I’m really sorry making you sit through this. I know this is just a big ramble, but I just wanted you to understand what’s been going through my mind lately, and I just needed to vent.